Don't read this.

I'm struggling today. Every now and then I fall into this rut. I tend to get down on myself for things that are pretty much out of my control. It's hard for me to not ask why. What can I do to change this situation? There really is nothing. All I can do is try to not think about it. But it's almost like the more I do that, the worse days like today become. And I guess this is a good explanation as to why I'm so emotional for every little thing. It really is a deeply personal issue, so I'm sorry to be vague, but I have a feeling that most of you reading this know where my head is.

I read a facebook note this morning written by a girl who has been in and out of my life for the past nineish years. She's a few years younger than me, so in earlier years it was quite an age gap. I met her just before her 13th birthday, back when I was pushing 17, so I see her as a younger sister. She's gone through a lot in those years, and she is an amazing writer. She knows how much I love reading her work, so she tags me in these notes. This particular note was about regret. It really made me think about how much I let regret consume me sometimes. I've been forgetting to remind myself that I made the best decisions I could with the information I had, and they were all the right decisions because they were mine and there really is no other option than them being right because I can't change them now. I think if I were more satisfied with where my life is now it would be easier for me to let these things go.

As far as last night goes, sorry I don't have any juicy information for you. I'm left just as clueless as ever. I tried, I really did. Because of that, I'm considering that situation a lost cause. In my mind, there is no open door. I'm going to go along as I have for the past year or so, and it will simply be nothing more than it is. Perhaps this is the source of my slump today.

Sorry to be such a downer today. This is just the reality of my life. I'm sure it will be sunshiny tomorrow.