I don't see everything as wrong.

It's finals week!  That means next week I don't have school.  Since having dropped one class, I only had three classes to finish, one of which was an online class that I had a paper due for as our final.  I submitted that Sunday night.  My two other classes didn't seem too bad either.  I had a final today, and I have one tomorrow.  HERE'S THE PROBLEM:  I mixed those two classes up.  I thought my Family Sociology final was today at 12:30 and my Deviance Sociology final was tomorrow at 10.  I was SO prepared to take that Family final today, it's not even funny.  All the Deviance final was on was reading material, so it would be no problem for me to be studying that now after my Family final.  So I leave the library at 12:15 to head for my Family final only to recognize no one in the room.  I head to my teacher's office to find out where our final is located only to have him tell me our final is tomorrow.  Crap.  That means my Deviance final was today at 10, which I hadn't yet read the articles for.  All it is is three articles.  Really simple.  AND I MISSED IT.  Which means I'll fail the class if my teacher doesn't let me make it up.  So here I sit, blogging.  I just read the first article.  I'm trying to be prepared in case he does let me take it.  If not, looks like I'll have a nice big F on my transcript.  WELL, IF HE HAD JUST PUT THE DATE OF OUR FINAL ON THE SYLLABUS LIKE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO, NONE OF THIS WOULD BE HAPPENING BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH MORE PREPARED.  In conclusion, please pray for me.  Pray that this teacher has grace with me and lets me take the final, hopefully tomorrow before or after my other final.  Pray for my health.  And pray for my parents.  I hate to be asking for so much prayer, but sometimes life is just hard and you have to ask for prayer.  I'd be more than willing to return the favor.

(It's kind of weird that all this bad stuff is happening because I'm actually happy.  I don't get it.  It's confusing.  That is all.)

But the fire is so delightful.

I love my dogs, and I love cloudy, rainy, chilly weather, and I love slipper socks, and I love coffee, and I love when the boy cooks a big pot of chili, and I love my dogs SO MUCH, and I love everyone reading this, and I love fish-loving little boys named Fox who turn two years old today.  I don't love schoolwork, but I love that it's not too hard for me to do.

I drink good coffee every morning.

Here's a non-downer, short blog for you.
Warm beverages make me happy, especially these two:

My after-bed beverage.

My before-bed beverage.

(Look guys, I put pictures on my blog!)

Scream my lungs out to try to get to you.

Hey blog.  I always forget to blog when I'm happy.  Sorry about that.  This one is probably another downer.

Life has been overwhelming lately.  It seems like no matter what, I can't keep up with what I always could.  Like cleaning my house.  I'll get started one day, then I'll have something to leave the house for.  Even if it's for a minute, an interruption means I'll never finish.  Yesterday I swept the floor, so I'm pretty pumped about that.  Just getting the dog hair up keeps me sane sometimes.

I think maybe it's school that's making me crazy.  I really like my classes this semester, but they require a lot of reading.  Reading takes a lot of time.  Time is generally something I don't have much of.  I actually already had to drop one class because I completely forgot to take the first test.  It was a computer lab test, and the week I was supposed to schedule it was a week that my personal life took a major blow.  And so I forgot about it.  And I didn't realize until the next week.  So clearly that class had to be dropped.  That ended up helping me out, though, because that was the class that had a service learning project attached to it, which probably would have been the death of me.  I enjoyed the work involved, but I would not have enjoyed the paper I would have had to write at the end of the semester.  Lord knows I already have enough of those.

Money is super stressing me out, too.  I LOVE my friends, but there are a lot of birthdays and weddings this month.  And I LOVE buying people gifts, but my bank account is pretty upset with me right now.  And the buying isn't over yet.  And I just want to have money to travel.

My love life is doing well (I think).  But even that comes with its issues.  I just don't know how permanent things are, and it terrifies me a little.  I'm getting much deeper into this than I intended to, and I'm having so much fun.  The examples I've had of lasting relationships lately, however, have led me to believe that I can't trust anyone.  And I don't want to be that person, that bitter, untrusting, jaded girl.  But it's REALLY hard not to be right now.

I just want to be at a place where I can hope for something.

Some get nothing, and Lord, some get it all.

Hey guys, remember me?  I'm really sorry for being such a slacker with the reading as well as the composition of blogs, but sometimes I just can't figure out how to put thoughts into words.  I really can't afford to skimp so much anymore, though.  I have people I'm in desparate need to keep up with.

I so wish I was very good at writing tributes to people, but I'm not.  What I would like to make mention of, though, is how much I love my dears Stephanie and Charlie.  And how very much I am going to miss them.  And I keep saying, "It's only two years," but the truth is that life isn't going to be the same without them around.  But it is ONLY two years.  And there WILL be visits.  And when they return they will be Mister and Master Loup.  (Haha, right?  That's probably not even correct...)

I've been feeling very cheesy lately, mostly because of all the emotional things that have been happening.  I keep getting this flashback from the first season of One Tree Hill when Peyton is drawing the picture of a lonely girl with the caption, "People always leave."  Lately it's really been feeling like that.  And I know people don't always leave.  I have so many people I love that haven't left.  And I know that people do sometimes leave, and most of the time it's because they're meant to.  And I know that I shouldn't be so selfish, but sometimes I have to let myself be selfish for a few minutes.

Mostly everyone knows the rough patch my family is going through right now, so I won't elaborate too much.  For the record, I'm doing well.  That being said, it really hurts.  And I can't let myself think about it too deeply or for very long periods of time because I'll pretty much melt into a ball of tears and desperation.

I don't want people to worry about me, though.  Aside from missing folks and family stuff, I'm going through all sorts of new things, and these new things are making me very, very happy.  Plus, the second anniversary of my 25th birthday is coming up.  Moving forward.

Once again we've gone off track.

Greetings from the worst bloggess in the wide world.  I know, I know, I'm really bad at this.  BUT I got my June BirchBox in the mail last week.  So I'm bloggin' it.

Once again, it smells real nice.  Like oranges.  You'll see why.  And I just love the logo and the way they wrap everything up so nicely.  I'm a fan.  So here's what I got, guys.

1.  Twirl, by Kate Spade.  I just love perfume samples, especially when they come in teeny spray bottles.  Like I gushed about last time, SO perfect for traveling!  It smells absolutely sweet and lovely, just like I like 'em.  Don't know if I'd actually buy a full bottle of it, but I'll gladly spritz it on during vacay.

2.  Kiehl's Ultra Facial Oil-Free Lotion.  According to the info card in the box, this isn't even available in stores yet.  I'll probably give it a try once the moisturizer I use now is gone.  It seems to be a pretty big sample, a full ounce.  It'll probably last me at least a month when I do use it.

3.  Xen-Tan Self-Tanner.  I'm really not much on self-tanner unless it's sprayed out of a machine.  I'm not very talented at the whole application process.  I may try it before the 4th of July so my shoulders won't look as white as paper in my pretty sundress.  But maybe I'll chicken out.  Only time will tell.  This  sample is also an ounce, but seeing as I'd use it on my whole body rather than just my face, it probably won't go as far.

4.  Urban Essentials Orange Towelette, two.  I'm actually pretty pumped about these.  I'm not a fan of the dirty-hand feeling of being at an airport/on an airplane, but I also don't feel like hand sanitizer really does the trick.  I think I'll like having a wipe.  Plus, it smells like oranges!  Could it smell like anything better?  No.

5.  (My favorite of all because it's a FULL SIZE PRODUCT, much like the Stila eyeshadow last month.)  Laura Geller Baked Blush N' Brighten in Apricot Berry.  I think I'm going to LOVE this.  I really like all-over highlighters during the summer.  There's just something to be said about putting on your makeup then applying shimmer all over your face.  You just glow.  This product costs $29.50.  But guess what?  I got it in my $10 BirchBox, along with all these other cool samples.

All in all, I'm really loving this monthly product.  If you love makeup as much as I do, this is a gem, and it's worth a subscription.

Don't let the world fall on your shoulders.

Do you see now why I have to give myself assignments to blog?  Otherwise, it won't get done.  Many things to blog about...

First off, I would just like to give God a major thank-you shout-out.  What my family/company believed was going to be one of the worst months of our lives has now been almost completely redeemed.  I can't remember if I blogged about it or journaled about it, but we stood to face a pretty harsh month, separating the work load for four offices onto the shoulders of two PTs and two PTAs.  We lost one PT a couple of months ago, and we could get by fine without her...until we lost a PTA and another PT, not to mention some of our most promising and dedicated techs.  We had one PT lined up to start, but he couldn't start until July, and that was only if the board let him take his test early.  This pretty much made my dad shut down.  It was really hard to see him go through all that stress and hopelessness.  But oh my goodness, the Lord works in mysterious ways!  We ended up being able to hire another PT who'll start in the middle of the month and the PT that was supposed to start in July was able to take his boards even earlier.  He's starting tomorrow.  I have no words for how thankful I am.

This is a rough transition to a much lighter topic.  I finished that book today.  It's called Matched by Ally Condie.  I wasn't a fan.  And then I found out that it's part of a trilogy.  And I have major issues with not finishing a story.  So now I have to read the other two.  Crap.  The second book comes out this November.  I think I did find one sentence worth quoting:  "Every minute you spend with someone gives them a part of your life and takes part of theirs."  And that is as simple as this book was.  I wouldn't recommend it.  But I'll let you know if the second or third are any better.

I went to a music festival!  On the beach!  It was the second year of the Hangout Music Festival in Gulf Shores, AL, and I'm oh so glad Bethany convinced me to go.  Although it feels like misery being coated in layer after layer of sand, sunscreen, and sweat all day for three days, it was a blast!  The Avett Brothers put on my favorite show, especially since we got to witness a proposal during "Kickdrum".  So adorable, and not cheesy at all.  There was a band there I'd never heard of.  Very bluegrassy, and VERY fun.  They're called Old Crow Medicine Show, and they put on my second favorite show of the festival. Trombone Shorty was there, too.  His show was probably my third favorite.  But that's all I'll go in to.

Tomorrow night is Eisley!  Music!  Yay!

We're just like you, only prettier.

Hello, friends.
Last month I signed up for something called a BirchBox.  Those of you who listen to Kidd Kraddick in the morning may have heard of it since both Jenna and Kelli subscribe to it, as well.  That's where I got the idea from.  It's a service that costs $10 a month, and each month they send you a box with several samples of really great (usually expensive) beauty products.  Doing some research, I've found that it's sort of a thing to blog or vlog your BirchBox each month.  So this is what you're getting.  Here are the samples I got.

1.  A full-sized Stila eyeshadow in Cassis.  It's a really pretty dark purple shade, not too shimmery.  This is an $18 value, so there you go.  Already made some money off of this little puppy.

2.  Erno Laszlo Transphuse Night Serum.  I'm pretty excited about this since I'm a crazy wrinkle lady.  It's only a tenth of an ounce, but considering an ounce costs $190, I think I just made a little more money off this box.

3.  Archipelago pomegranate soap.  No, it's not full-sized, but it smells lovely.  I really like soaps.  I tend to buy them when I come across them and never, ever use them.  I'm a fan of this brand, too.

4.  Bulgari Jasmin Noir perfume.  It's no bigger than a sample you'd get at a department store, but I always enjoy these.  Plus, it also smells lovely.  I'll no doubt add it to my travel bag since it's this convenient little size.

5.  Two samples each of Oribe shampoo and conditioner.  These were sort of a bonus, although who knows if I'll ever use them.  I have a basket full of samples like this.

6.  They also threw in this cute, tiny greeting card along with a coupon to order stationary for 50% off from tinyprints.com.  I'll no doubt use it for when my friend Katie's daughter is born since there are birds on it, and her nursery is bird-themed.

It came with a card explaining what everything is and showing you the price of the full size of each.  The website also sells each of these products.  All in all, I'm kind of stoked about this whole service.  I've always been a try-it-before-you-buy-it kind of girl, so this is right up my alley, especially given that these are more expensive products.

Obviously, if you're interested, the website is birchbox.com.

So read your books, but stay out late some nights.

I've finished Atlas Shrugged.  I really wish I had written down the date that I started it so that I'd know exactly how long it took.  I'm thinking at least six months.  In honor of that, I'd like to share some of my favorite quotes from the book.

"He always came to her unexpectedly--and she liked it, because it made him a continuous presence in her life, like the ray of a hidden light that could hit her at any moment."

"The owner placed a mug of coffee before her.  She closed both hands around it, finding enjoyment in its warmth.  She glanced around her and thought, in habitual professional calculation, how wonderful it was that one could buy so much for a dime...She drank the coffee, concerned with nothing but the pleasure of feeling as if the hot liquid were reviving the arteries of her body."  (Although I've never tried to put into words the way I feel about coffee, this pretty much hits the nail on the head.  If only it were still a dime...)

"Any refusal to recognize reality, for any reason whatsoever, has disastrous consequences." - Fransisco d'Anconia

"There's no way to rule innocent men.  The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals.  Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them.  One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws.  Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens?  What's there in that for anyone?  But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced nor objectively interpreted--and you create a nation of law-breakers--and then you can cash in on guilt." - Dr. Ferris

"A prisoner brought to trial can defend himself only if there is an objective principle of justice recognized by his judges, a principle upholding his rights, which they may not violate and which he can invoke.  The law, by which you are trying me, holds that there are no principles, that I have no rights and that you may do with me whatever you please.  Very well.  Do it." - Hank Rearden

"That special pleasure she had felt in watching him eat the food she had prepared...it had been the pleasure of knowing that she had pleased him with a sensual enjoyment, that one form of his body's satisfaction had come from her." (Sorry, that one may have been a little racy.)

"...it's not that I don't suffer, it's that I know the unimportance of suffering, I know that pain is to be fought and thrown aside, not to be accepted as part of one's soul and as a permanent scar across one's view of existence." - John Galt (This has got to be one of my favorite quotes of all time and probably is the reason I wanted to read this book in the first place.  I found it on a random quote website or something and loved it so much that, not knowing where it came from, I actually Googled "Who is John Galt?"  If you know anything about this book at all, you'll know why that's funny.)

"...honesty is not a social duty, not a sacrifice for the sake of others, but the most profoundly selfish virtue man can practice:  his refusal to sacrifice the reality of his own existence to the deluded consciousness of others." - John Galt

"Happiness is possible only to a rational man, the man who desires nothing but rational goals, seeks nothing but rational values and finds his joy in nothing but rational actions." - John Galt (Maybe that one's a little extreme.  Regardless, I wrote it down when I read it, which means it stuck out of the text for some reason and made me think a little more.)

"If you choose to help a man who suffers, do it only on the ground of his virtues, of his fight to recover, of his rational record, or of the fact that he suffers unjustly...But to help a man who has no virtues, to help him on the ground of his suffering as such, to accept his faults, his need, as a claim--is to accept the mortgagte of a zero on your values.  A man who has no virtues is a hater of existence who acts on the premise of death; to help his is to sanction his evil and to support his career of distruction.  Be it only a penny you will not miss or a kindly smile he has not earned, a tribute to zero is treason to life and to all those who struggle to maintain it." - John Galt (There were many moments in this book, and especially in this particularly long speech made by this character, that I found to be harsh considering how strongly Ayn Rand feels about religion being ridiculous, or so how it seems to be that way.  The beginning of this quote was kind of a saving grace for this book, since once I got to this point I was feeling pretty angry about how inconsiderately John Galt was speaking.  It is pretty clear that Ayn Rand has very little compassion and grace, but I did still enjoy reading this book.)

I started a new book today called Matched by Ally Condie.  I read the first two chapters at lunch.  It seems very fantastical, but after reading Atlas Shrugged, I kind of feel like I'm reading a book written for middle-schoolers.  Hopefully it grows on me.

I'll be free for you anytime.

Man, I really fell off the face of the blogging Earth, didn't I?  At least it's not at bad as it was a month or so ago.

I'm really ready to start distracting myself with some serious travel.  I hate feeling like I need to get away from everything, but I just do.  I wish I could afford to travel totally alone sometimes.  I would love to go somewhere with historical significance and just learn everything without anyone else to drag me anywhere else.

You know what else I hate?  I hate feeling like someone is making a huge life-changing mistake, and there's just nothing I can do about it.  I mean, obviously it's not my life, but I hate knowing that I can't give someone my opinion unless they ask for it.  I used to not care whether they wanted to hear it or not, but I've since learned that that isn't the way to go about it.  I just feel stuck sometimes, which is stupid because it isn't even my situation to be stuck in.

You would take the breath from my throat.

Well, it's been a quiet Friday night, which is just what I anticipated.  Unfortunately, there was no exercise.  Too much discomfort today.  But I did make a double batch of blondies for the crawfish boil tomorrow and watch a crap ton on Say Yes To The Dress.  That's one of my favorite quiet Friday night events.  Wedding shows!  Whenever I was in a serious relationship I had to disallow myself from watching those shows.  They made me too anxious to get married.  Now that I'm single, I suppose it couldn't hurt.

I started a new 30-day challenge for myself.  It may sound sad, but I've promised myself to read the Bible every night for 30 days.  What I meant by that is that it's sad that I haven't really done much Bible-reading before this.  I always tried, but I could never quite stick to it.  So here goes nothing!

I'm excited to eat crawfish tomorrow and take lots of pictures!

Wishing wells were made to echo a dime.

If my calculations in the beginning were correct, today is the final day of my First Annual Ides of March 30-Day Blog Challenge.  I think it was late at night when I did that, though, so it may be wrong.

I'm going to miss my roomies, but tomorrow night I have the house all to myself!  And I love staying home alone on a Friday....flat on the floor, looking back on old love, or lack thereof.  (Just kidding, guys.  Those are John Mayer lyrics.  And if you don't know that, well.  I just don't know.)  I think I'll get my sweat on with my trainer Bob Harper and then get my lazy on all night watching some Kardashian goodness.  Oh, I think I'll make blondies for the crawfish boil, too.  You know, to balance out all the exercise.  So guys, please don't make any super-awesome-can't-miss plans for tomorrow night and invite me to them.  Unless it's a date with the perfect man.  That, maybe I'd skip the laziness for.

Were it not for hearts like mine, calloused thickly, you could fall so easily.

My belly is full.  Uggggghhhh.

Today I happened to catch that Khloe and Lamar show while I was cooking.  I have to admit, I'm a sucker for all things Kardashian.  I was surprised on the severity of some of the issues they touched on.  One thing they dealt with (or more so talked about, not exactly dealt with) was Lamar Odom's relationship with his father.  It was pretty unfortunate to see.  His dad was one of those men who split when he was a child and only showed his face from time to time.  I think they mentioned he struggled with addiction, as well.  Of course, now Lamar has a good amount of money, and this man is quick to ask for a handout.  They actually played phone conversations on several occasions of this man outright telling his son to send him money or take him grocery shopping.  It was really sad.

It makes me wonder, though, what WON'T people put on television these days?  I can understand he probably doesn't have a great relationship with this man.  And who could blame him?  People like that are almost revolting.  (This man was certainly not a victim of poverty.)  And it's one thing to feel that way about your father.  But how could you shame someone like that in front of the entire world?  I feel like no one would deserve that.

(I never know how to end these things.  Conclusions were never my strong suit.)

I think I'm safer in an airplane.

I am officially going to Las Vegas to watch Adrian's first Nathan's hot dog qualifier!  I can't tell you how excited I am!  I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to go.  I really can't afford it, and it kills me to have to miss any of his competitions, especially hot dog qualifiers.  My parents have generously offered to pay for me to go.  I didn't feel too guilty about it because the plane tickets ended up being pretty cheap.  But still!

I really dislike asking my parents for money and/or to pay for things.  I rarely do it.  I know the kind of man my dad is.  He'd give someone every dollar in his wallet if they asked for it, even without good reason.  Because of that, he is sometimes taken advantage of.  It absolutely kills me to see someone walk all over him.  Unfortunately, it happens all too often.  And I'm not talking about only money, here.  I'm talking about his time and his freedom.  He's never been one to say no to anyone for any reason.  I hate to admit this (and I know I've talked to some of you about this before), but I feel like it's turned him into someone who just expects people to expect things from him.  It's almost like it's hard for him to understand that someone could love him or care for him without him giving things to them.  It really breaks my heart.  This is something that I continuously struggle with.

Way to make going to Vegas sound really depressing, right?  So I'll end on this note, in true Joey Tribiani fashion:  VEGAS, BABY, VEGAS!!!

It's their colorful feathers that hold me together.

Boom boom boom, let me hear you say way-o.

Y'all, I don't have a thing to write about today.

I can tell you this:  I'm missing me some Big Love right now.  Like, bad.  Also, I'm pretty excited about folding t-shirts for eight hours tomorrow.  Now, where did I put that Bumble Lane gift card?

If you're shocked, it's just the fault of faulty manufacturing.

I logged some serious baby-hugging hours this weekend.  First Miss Emily, then John William, then my Turtle.  I can't get enough.  Especially when they say cute words.  Gosh, I just love those little ones.  I'm not sure why my love of children comes so naturally.  I've been this way since childhood.  The truth is, it doesn't matter the child, I can't help but feel so much love when spending time with them.  Obviously, the more time I invest, the more my heart bursts when I see them, but I feel like I love all children unconditionally.

I was discussing my relationship status (or lack thereof) with a friend recently, and something sort of hit me.  I've had opportunities to date guys recently that were nice guys.  These guys will make some girls happy someday, but they weren't for me.  I probably could have fallen in love if I had just ignored that little voice inside my head, which is all too easy to do sometimes.  But I can't cheat myself that way.  When it comes down to it, I KNOW that someday I'm going to be an amazing wife and mother.  I'm not trying to be conceited about that.  I've long since believed that those traits were instilled in me by my Creator.  Why would I waste that on someone who He didn't create for me?  I would not only be cheating myself, but I wouldn't be able to live up to the full potential of what the Lord has called me to be for my future family.

These reflections have been brought to you by:  Babies.

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

This is just a quickie post since I'm about to head over to Arisa's so we can hit the road to see our Slegers.

You know what irks me?  People who park in handicapped parking places who are not handicapped.  Maybe it's just me, but I feel having a handicapped tag in your window should not give you free reign of handicapped parking places.  I went to Target this afternoon (shocking, I know), and a woman just whipped right into the very closest handicapped parking space to the store.  She got right out of her car in her flip flops and pants that were too white and too tight (yes, I'm passing judgement on this woman), and walked right into the store.  No cane.  No limp.  No baby bump.  No reason to absolutely need to park that close.  I walked directly two steps behind her the entire way so that she would know that yes, I saw her park there, and yes, I know she did not deserve to.  I understand that sometimes people have tags for occasions when they drive someone else around, and I understand that the world is full of selfish individuals who will abuse these things.  I just had to get that off my chest.

I'm sad that I won't be able to see Adrian compete in crawfish-eating tomorrow.  If any of you are going, I beg you, keep an eagle eye on Crazy Legs Conti.  He cheats, and he cheats, and he cheats, and those Sheas just let him get away with it.  But cheer extra loud for Adrian.  Please.  :)

I'm at a crossroads with myself. I don't got no one else.

Yes yes yes.  Band of Horses was just what I needed.  Every song sounded different live than it does on the album, but just as wonderful.  Their music always makes me feel reflective.  I had a wonderful time with everyone I went with, but there was more than one moment when I felt like stepping away for a song just to stand alone and be in my own world with BOH.  Although, I don't really think there was one empty spot in the room for all of that.  "Evening Kitchen" is, I think, my favorite song.  By Band of Horses, at least.  There was a time in my life where I can remember feeling exactly that way.  Funny thing is, it was maybe a year before that album even came out.  It's still nice to remember that I felt that way so intensely, even though it was quite a melancholy feeling.  I like feeling anything intensely.  It makes me feel alive.  (Too cliche?  Probably.  But there's a reason a cliche is a cliche.)

Onto an ENTIRELY different topic:  American Idol.  (I threw the colon in just for you, Nic.)   I thought this season I would be indifferent.  I'm not.  I was pretty worried when they announced who the new judges would be several months ago.  Not that I don't think Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler have valid opinions, because obviously they have each been in the music business for quite some time now, I just thought maybe their egos would steal the spotlight a little.  I couldn't have been wronger.  Forgive me for blogging about last night's performance show today, but I actually just watched it.  This set of judges LOVES being there.  I loved Simon and Kara as judges, but my goodness!  Steven, Jennifer, and Randy are so completely in love with their roles in these performers' careers!  At least, it seems that way.  I really do feel like everyone on the show right now has buckets of talent.  Last night after they all finished performing, they had a sort of impromptu dance party right on stage.  I've never felt like the contestants enjoyed one another as much as they do this season.  It's almost like the pressure's off, and they're all just having a good time.  I'm really loving the producers they're working with, too, and I'm glad they're showing them on camera much more.

Okay, sorry friends, for that rant.  I'm pretty sure only, like, one of you actually also watches American Idol, haha!  Also, sorry for failing at my own challenge and skipping yesterday.

I LOVE ALL OF YOOOOUUUUU!

Regrets and mistakes, they are memories made.

Today I painted a house almost all day.  And it wasn't even my house.  I must be getting good at this.  I hope so?

It always surprises me how much I miss my pups when I've spent nearly a whole day away from them.  Last night I was at Nic and Crystal's until late, tonight I was at Beau's until late, and tomorrow night I will be in New Orleans until super late, so Thursday is dedicated to my pups.  And some school, I guess.  Ugh, I really hate being away from them a lot.  And I'm spending the night away Friday night (which I'm SO SO SO excited about), but that's just another night I'll miss them.  I think it affects me most because I know they miss me.  And it just kills me.  As annoying as they can be when I'm here with them, I feel like it's just because they want me to be near them.  Does that sound crazy?  I feel like I'm really good at making myself sound crazy.

BAND OF HORSES!!!!!  BAND OF HORSES!!!!!  BAND OF HORSES!!!!!  BAND OF HORSES!!!!!  BAND OF HORSES!!!!!

I called off my plans. I counted on you.

I would like to start cooking at least one NEW recipe a week.  I am inspired to do so mainly by The Pioneer Woman (THANK YOU, BETHANY).  That is all.

Oh, except that I'm so excited about Band of Horses Wednesday and seeing Slegers and former Slegers and a new baby this weekend.

Lucky ones are we all till it is over.

I'm so blessed.  SO BLESSED.

I hate those nights when I feel like I got to a point in my life that is hopeless because I usually try to figure out how I got there.  I know already.  I know what I need to do to change my situation, but I forget that I know that so often.  I remember a line from a song we used to have to do sign and dance to when we were kids.  You know, at nursing homes and whatnot.

I cast all my cares upon You.
I lay all of my burdens down at Your throne.


And that's simply all there is to it.  I feel like where I am is preparation mode for a huge life change.  But I think it's time for the preparation to become action.

Um, I feel like Charlie Sheen rambling like this.  Goodnight.

One day you will know we're men of snow.

I kind of take pride in myself being so emotionally independent most of the time.  I don't usually need anyone to reassure me that things will be better and that I'll be okay.  Typically, I do what I need to do as far as grieving goes and my brain works out the rest.  I know things will always get better when they feel like they won't.  My mind is almost trained to believe that, I suppose.

But then there are times, and it seems like it's been happening a lot more lately, where something will upset me, and I feel like I just don't want to be alone.  Like I just want someone to tell me it will be okay, not need, just want.  It's times like this that I realize that no matter how okay I feel being alone, I don't want to be alone anymore.  I don't want to be alone anymore.

I'm so thankful for all of the people in my life who will always listen and always offer me words of advice or comfort when I need them.  I feel like I need to give a super shout-out to Lauren here.  You're all so important to me, but I feel like Lauren just gets me.  I really do think we can read each others' minds sometimes.  It may be because of the extremely similar situations we've both gone through, but whatever the case, I know she can usually know what I'm feeling without me having to say much, and vice versa.

I'm just having a rough night, I guess.

We'll be young forever.

I'm totes an hour and five minutes late.  Sorry guys.  April fools?

So I think it's no secret that my old high school beau (teehee) and I are good friends.  Today I went to his parents' house after work for a little crawfish boil.  His dad generally has one every year.  The last time I attended one was six years ago.  Yes, I was out of high school.  We were going through a brief reunion at the time.  That probably wasn't the last time I had been to his parents' house, but it wasn't long after that.  Today it felt so strange.  No a bad strange, but it just felt entirely different.  That may have been because his mom has redone a lot of the house since he and his sister no longer live there.  The entryway was still the same, and it had all the same feeling along with it.  But with everything else that had changed, it was as if it were a different place.  I think the main reason was because he doesn't live there anymore.  And he's not the same guy he was back then.  But to be honest, I haven't seen him the way I did back then since we've been friends again.  (Did any of that make sense?  It's kind of late.)

On another note:  Do you know what I love?  I love cleaning my whole house and bathing both of my dogs only for the VERY NEXT DAY to have them both get into mud.  I really love that.

Do you know what I really non-sarcastically love?  New York City.  My mom and I found an apartment to stay in today for our annual trip.  I'm so stoked!

So glide away on soapy heels, and promise not to promise anymore.

I have only a couple of things to say right now.

1.  My house is clean.  I LOVE that.

2.  I am seriously watching a musical episode of Grey's Anatomy.  And I feel that it's completely pointless. Not adding to the story line at all.  And I HATE that.

Can you tell me why you have been so sad?

I listened to Death Cab for most of the day.  Never a bad day.  I also arranged flowers, which is why I chose that lyric as my title.  "...while you arranged flowers and chose color schemes.  Can you tell me why you have been so-o-O-o-o saaaaaad?"

I love learning new things!

But right now I have to study.  9 am test.  You know the drill.  If you happen to think of me at that time, throw up a prayer.

I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, that much is true.

This moment finds me sitting in the Cox auditorium, very content.  I'm waiting for five o'clock to roll around so I can schedule my classes for fall while trying to pay attention to the study session which will also be beginning at that time.

Why am I so content, then, you ask?  Usually scheduling classes stresses me out.  Not today.  Know why? I've taken so many college courses that I'm in the first group to schedule after graduate students and graduating seniors.  Pathetic?  Maybe.  At least I'll get good classes instead of how scheduling this pitiful semester went.

I'm also content because it's raining.  It's 99% impossible for me to be stressed when I hear rain and/or thunder.  This classroom is an optimal spot to admire the sounds of both.  I mentioned something on Twitter about how much I liked hearing the National Weather Service severe weather alert, and someone told me that was strange.  Well, I guess I already knew that was strange, but it's completely true.  As a child (and I'm sure a couple of you remember this), one of my favorite things to do was to pretend that there was a big storm outside and turn off all the lights like the electricity went out and light candles everywhere.  Honestly, I think the main reason I love candles so much is because they remind me of the power going out.  Obviously, I'm not too crazy about the power being out after everything we went through with Gustav, but I still LOVE a good storm.  Nothing puts me in a better mood.

I can laugh in the face of all my insecurities.

Wellllll, I guess I'm not starting P90X today.  I don't have a guide book or equipment or anything, and I just can't have that.  The whole reason I want to do it is because it's supposedly so structured, but I can't just wing it.  I have a complex.

I have a test on Thursday, and I went to a study session tonight.  I've found that this particular teacher's study sessions are extremely helpful, especially since he pretty much just tells you exactly what he's putting on the test.  I did well on the last test, and for that one I only went to one of the study sessions.  This time I'm going to both so that my mind will be blown on how well I do.  However, it bothers me when people come to them and don't really care to be there.  It's optional, folks.  Please do not come sit directly behind me and talk to your two sorority sisters the whole time and whisper, "Okay, stop.  I'm ready to leave," after each objective the teacher goes over.  JUST LEAVE.  Also, please don't sit directly in front of me and proceed to consume an entire meal from Taco Bell.  You can't eat it outside or in your car?  You can't be taking notes while you're eating, so why bother?!

....aaaaaand I'm done.  Sorry about the rant.

When you feel embarrassed, I'll be your pride.

Today was a fun day. I won't go on and on about it, mostly because everyone reading this was there, with the exception of a couple of you. I absolutely adore being part of a big, loud, closely-knit family.

(I will take this area to interject that I'm sitting here blogging while Lauren is sitting next to me slowly losing her mind to Angry Birds. Not kidding you, she just said, AND I QUOTE, "Are you blogging? You better not write anything mean about me." We share a brain.)

Um, I'm not really sure what else to blog about at this point, so I'm just going to watch Jersey Shore. So goodnight. And if we hung out today, thank you for helping me have a great time.

You may be dead to me, but that don't mean we can't be friends.

Today is very short and very to the point.

If you have ever considered yourself a Relient K fan and you don't know about The Birds and The Bee Sides/The Nashville Tennis EP, YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON SOME VERY VALUABLE MUSIC. I don't even remember how I stumbles upon it, but some of this stuff is really life-changing.

Here are my favorite tracks:

"The Lining Is Silver"

"There Was No Thief"

"Curl Up and Die"

"Hope For Every Fallen Man [Acoustic]"

Do yourself a favor and get your hands on this.

If I'm restless, then why do I want nothing but to rest my soul?

What a boring Friday night! Normally I LOVE those, but tonight I just felt like a loser. Haha, not trying to get down on myself. I don't feel like a loser often, but tonight I definitely did. Plus, I watched tv for too long, and now I don't have time to read a cheesy teenager book. Boo.

Last night did not fare well for sleep. Thursday nights just have not been very lucky lately for sleep. Unfortunately, last night it was because Batman didn't feel well and woke me up every couple of hours to go outside. I'm extremely thankful, though, that it was waking up in the middle of the night that I had to do as opposed to cleaning anything off the carpet this morning. Such a good boy. But I'm still tired.

I'm excited about this weekend! Tomorrow night I get to go out downtown, which I actually haven't done in a while, for Lacey's birthday. Considering that I don't even know if I'll see her for her birthday next year, I'm going to enjoy every minute I get to spend with her. We've had a good friendship. Sure, it's had its weak moments, but the girl tends to stick by me no matter what. What else can I do but do the same for her? And then Sunday I get to spend time with most of you beautiful people! Eating crawfish!!! In the country!!!!! (CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M EXCITED?!)

The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake.

Thursday is my favorite day of the week. It always has been. If I ever get married, maybe I'll throw everyone for a loop and have my wedding on a Thursday. I don't particularly want to blog, but I kind of skimped last night, so I'm taking this blogging time to also eat some fro-yo since my throat hurts.

Tonight was a fun night. Bethany and Cydney came over, and all of us girls (Lauren included, obviously) went out for Thai food then came home and watched some tv, drank some wine, and chatted A LOT. So thankful for good girls' nights.

I'm so disappointed that NBC didn't decide to keep Perfect Couples. It's so funny! I now need to follow everyone in the cast because I seriously love all of them.

Ugh, I'm so tired. I'm done. Sorry again for another disappointing blog. Waited too late. :/

I'm willing to take the risk.

Guys, tonight I don't really feel like blogging. I just want to sit in my bed and watch Vampire Diaries until I fall asleep. Never did I ever think I'd hear myself say that. I don't like the girl who plays the main character. Didn't like her in Degrassi, either. Pretty much just watching it so that I can be up-to-speed when Gino's role starts.

Also, my computer is dying, and I don't feel like getting the charger. So goodnight friends. More tomorrow, I promise.

I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear.

Well, I narrowly avoided having a panic attack during my test today. I guess when I think of short-answer questions, I always imagine they'll be situational. I feel like I'd actually be quite good at questions like that because I try to think so logically. These questions were pretty much all "list and explain", which I'm HORRIBLE at. The explain part, I can do. This list part makes me want to cry and vomit at the same time (sorry if that's too graphic). This is why I've had so much trouble in college. I don't do memorization very well. I'm much better at things that can be figured out (with the exception of calculus). Oh well. Bethany tells me he curves this test, so here's hoping. At least now I know what the final will look like (and yes, this teacher only gives TWO tests). I'm determined to get through this. It really bothers me that it's been so difficult for me, especially since I sailed through grade school. This issue just may be my biggest insecurity.

Anywho, I was going to start P90X today. I have no idea if this is something I'll stick with. I just want to try it and see if I like it. I'm not putting too much pressure on myself about it. I just think it might be interesting. However, about five minutes into the instructional video, I hear a loud pop coming from the front of my subdivision, and the power goes out. The power hasn't gone out at all in the year I've lived here. I jokingly got on twitter and tweeted, "God? Is that you?" Haha, I'm still going to go through with trying P90X, but I just didn't get to start today. A friend suggested I begin on Monday since it's sort of a Monday through Saturday program anyway. So I guess I'll go with that. My body is getting fed up with all this laziness, though. Hopefully I'll at least get to run the lakes Thursday on my break.

It never ends, it never begins, it just keeps on going like it is.

...And, baby, that's the way that it should be.

Gosh, I love that old song. Anyone remember it? "Love Songs" by Flemming & John. It's one of my favorite songs, I can promise you that.

I have a test tomorrow. Studying for it is what I should be doing right now, but I need to blog today, so this is what's happening.

After I blogged last night, I studied then watched the series finale of Big Love. I love that show. I love Bill Paxton. I really love the whole cast, if I'm being honest. Hell, I even love Chloe Sevigny (sp?). That's saying a lot. After it was over, I had an emotional breakdown to shame all others. I was home alone, so that helped, but I sobbed and sobbed, and seriously the tears were just streaming. I think I needed that. It sort of made today something of an emotional roller coaster, especially since I was dealing with other things. But those things have also been worked out, and I'm in a great mood. The sunshine is back.

Let's just hope the sun shines on this marketing test tomorrow (which I have AWESOME notes for, by the way, thanks to the lovely Bethany). If you're thinking of me around 1:30, a prayer would be appreciated.

I'm not calling you a liar, just don't lie to me.

REALLY productive day. I love how Sundays are just always like that. Even when I do nothing on Sunday, it feels like I did everything I needed to do. Today, however, I didn't do nothing. I cleaned my house. And BOY did I clean. From root to tip, guys. I also bought a lamp for my living room and got an awesome deal on it, so I rewarded myself with Spring Oreos. Where did I get both a lamp and Oreos, you ask? None other than Target, definitely one of my favorite places on the planet. Now here is a story for you.

So after I clean my house, I am, of course, filthy. I took a shower and for some reason felt compelled to do my hair and makeup. Not a full face of makeup, just enough to look put-together with my glasses on. And my outfit was kind of cute, too. I went to my normal Target (they were having a sale on lamps), but there was something I wanted that wasn't there, so I thought I'd give the ole Millerville Target a shot since I had some time. And wouldn't you know, they had just what I was looking for. Here's the fun part: There was a really cute guy there. He was SUPER tall (sorry, Lauren and Steph, I can't stop being attracted to that), and he was wearing a yellow shirt. I probably wouldn't have noticed him, but he let me pass in a busy aisle, and I think that's nice. Also, it was one of those situations where every corner I turned, he happened to also be there. So I noticed him. I thought maybe he noticed me, too, so I snuck around to the makeup aisle then peeked, and he was looking at me! I had a grocerystalker, y'all, and he was cute! Maybe some people would be creeped out by that, but I was very flattered. Alas, like most of these stories, nothing came of it, but it made my day. And who knows if I'll every run into him again, but I just may shop at the Millerville Target a little more often.

I don't know how to own you.

Blogging early today, yessiree, because I just spent most of the day in the sun, so I'd like the option to fall asleep and not wake up until morning for the remainder of the evening.

Today was a fun day. Sunshiny, if you will. I woke up super early (but that's alright because if you remember, I went to bed at 9:30 last night) to get my hair done. Getting my hair done is great because I also got to fill Crystal in on all the ridiculousness of this week. PLUS, I got out of there in time to go home, change, put on my face, and go to the St. Patrick's Day parade! And I played with babies and danced and caught beads and drank a margarita. THEN we went to Sam and Jesse's and just had a great afternoon listening to music, eating, chatting, and laying in the grass. All in all, a lovely day with lovely people.

The only bad part was the tendency to text a certain someone who I promised myself I wasn't texting/calling until tomorrow. I haven't felt that sort of urgency in quite some time, and I have to tell you, I don't like it one bit. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I hate dating. Or not dating. OR WHATEVER IT IS THAT'S GOING ON BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA.

I quit every game I play.

I think I like using song lines as my blog titles. I'll stick to that. Lot's of television shows do it, including Veronica Mars, one of the greatest of all time.

Today was a really weird day. It started very early, much earlier than I had planned. And let's just say that question mark from two posts ago and that door from last post, I guess they both still exist. I can't say that I'm happy about that. I'd just like some certainty, one way or the other.

There is one other area of my life that IS certain. I made sure of it today. That decision was a painful one to make, but it was for the best. And frankly, I'm glad it's said and done.

I ate the last of my frozen servings of chili tonight. I had to finish them before winter was officially over. Lauren laughs at me for things like that, and I suppose it is strange. I just make these really odd rules for myself, and I swear to sticking by them. It's one of my many quirks. To be honest, I sort of like that quirk. I guess I'm just a big fan of boundaries. NO, I will not listen to Christmas music or wear Christmas attire before Thanksgiving. This is just one example of many, many silly rules I have. I think I like Target because of things like that. They just don't put out things for certain holidays until the appropriate times. Did you see any Easter candy at Target before Mardi Gras? No, you didn't. Because Target has boundaries. And I love boundaries.

Guys, I'm running on so little sleep right now. Yes, I understand this post sounds like it was written by a lunatic. Like I mentioned yesterday, this is just what my life is like. Some days I'm melancholy, others I'm irrational.

And it's 9 pm on Friday, and I'm going to bed. Goodnight all.

Don't read this.

I'm struggling today. Every now and then I fall into this rut. I tend to get down on myself for things that are pretty much out of my control. It's hard for me to not ask why. What can I do to change this situation? There really is nothing. All I can do is try to not think about it. But it's almost like the more I do that, the worse days like today become. And I guess this is a good explanation as to why I'm so emotional for every little thing. It really is a deeply personal issue, so I'm sorry to be vague, but I have a feeling that most of you reading this know where my head is.

I read a facebook note this morning written by a girl who has been in and out of my life for the past nineish years. She's a few years younger than me, so in earlier years it was quite an age gap. I met her just before her 13th birthday, back when I was pushing 17, so I see her as a younger sister. She's gone through a lot in those years, and she is an amazing writer. She knows how much I love reading her work, so she tags me in these notes. This particular note was about regret. It really made me think about how much I let regret consume me sometimes. I've been forgetting to remind myself that I made the best decisions I could with the information I had, and they were all the right decisions because they were mine and there really is no other option than them being right because I can't change them now. I think if I were more satisfied with where my life is now it would be easier for me to let these things go.

As far as last night goes, sorry I don't have any juicy information for you. I'm left just as clueless as ever. I tried, I really did. Because of that, I'm considering that situation a lost cause. In my mind, there is no open door. I'm going to go along as I have for the past year or so, and it will simply be nothing more than it is. Perhaps this is the source of my slump today.

Sorry to be such a downer today. This is just the reality of my life. I'm sure it will be sunshiny tomorrow.

It's more common than you think.

Day Two. Not such an interesting day so far. It does have potential, though.

I'm doing my post a early today because I have a date (?) tonight. You're probably wondering what's up with the question mark. Yeah, so am I. Hopefully I'll work up the guts to address said question mark this evening. Aside from all of that, I get to eat at my favorite BR restaurant tonight, and you will never, ever hear me complain about that.

For the past several months I've been reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. It's probably the longest book I've ever read, and with the reintroduction of studies back into my life, I'm reading it rather slowly. I have completely fallen in love with this book, as well as with the heroes and heroine within its pages. Since my adult years have found me reading much more than I had in my adolescent years, I realize that I become very emotionally involved with the books I read. Perhaps something is wrong with me. Or perhaps I just read really wonderful books. I'm leaning more toward the idea of something being wrong with me, though, because books aren't the only things I get emotional about. Movies, television shows, magazine articles, etc. I become very moved. I wonder why that is.

Anyway, that about wraps it up for the day. That all felt very random. Sorry I'm not so good at thought composition. I'll try to get better.

Et tu, Brute?

(This post has nothing whatsoever to do with backstabbing.)

Welcome to my first (hopefully) annual 30-day blogging challenge. Guys, this commitment happened on such a whim, and I'm truly thankful for all the lovely people who have decided to come along on this journey with me.

I like recording my thoughts. Thats probably why I have 4,610 tweets to date. But those are just jumbled sentences. I like the idea of a blog, and I've always wanted to be the kind of person who was consistent with one. In fact, several years ago, as many of you know, I had a Xanga account which I kept up with pretty well. Unfortunately, after a bitter breakup I decided to go the Spotless Mind route and erased it from the internet completely (after hand-rewriting each entry into a journal).

That all being said, I issued this challenge as an attempt to fall in love with blogging once more. I like this idea so much that after this challenge, I think I'd like to issue myself other types of 30-day challenges to try and incorporate other things into my life that used to be. Perhaps I'll share them, perhaps I won't. It really depends how I'm feeling at the time.

Since today is day one, I thought I'd keep it short and sweet since I'm not so used to this yet. An introduction, if you will. I really can't tell you that I'll keep this blog personal. In fact, I'll probably throw some beauty product talk in, maybe some recipes, maybe some song lyrics. Really whatever is on my mind each particular day. The posts will most likely happen at night because I have an irrational fear that I'll blog too early, then something amazing will happen, and I'll have to wait until the next day to blog about it, at which point I will have forgotten all about it.

So sorry today was boring. I think tomorrow I'll have something good to talk about. Teaser: It will most likely be about Atlas Shrugged and/or a relationship situation.

Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite. Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight.