Yours is the first face that I saw.

Ugh, I just finished reading Matched by Ally Condie again.  I really do NOT care for this book.  But, once again, it made me want to read the two sequals.  Maybe I'll get to that this summer.  I know you're probably wondering, Ashleigh, why did you read it again if you didn't like it the first time?  That's an excellent question, class.  It was assigned for my English class.  Ashleigh, if you've read it already and you didn't feel like reading again, why did you?  Seems like you'd probably remember enough to get by in English class.  That's also an excellent point.  Unfortunately for me, tomorrow I have to lead the class in discussion of this book.  It's the one day that I'll have this assignment.  I did not choose to do it on this book.  And, having read it approximately two-plus years ago, I didn't feel like I remembered enough details to come up with several open-ended discussion questions about it.  Happily, this will be the first big class assignment to get the big-class-assignments-before-the-end-of-the-semester ball rolling.  Next up, I'll be writing a research paper about The Hunger Games.  Yippee!

When I graduate...

I got my graduation invitations in the mail today.  They're super confusing, though.  But it's becoming real life.  Now I gust have three papers, a project, and finals pretty much, and I'm good.

52 days.

Send your heartbeat; I'll go to that blue ocean floor.

Today I went to the gym AND bathed the dogs, so I pretty much have just a bunch of mush in my head and I'm tirrreeedzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..................

She leads me through moonlight only to burn me with the sun.

Today it was all windy.  I could hear it coming from my fireplace.  "She's Like the Wind" got stuck in my head.  Then I was sad, because I miss Swayze.

Anywho, I've been thinking about New York so much lately.  It's been two Novembers since I've been, and I'm needing it pretty badly right about now.  I want to eat onion bagels for breakfast and pizza for dinner.  I want to go to Barney Greengrass, and I want to walk the streets by myself.  I want to see a Broadway show, then have breakfast for dinner at the Stardust.  I want to try a million different coffee shops.  I want to go to the Met for a few hours.  I want to go back to the wax museum.  I really want The Captain to come along so I can experience the city with him for the first time.  He went when he was a kid and didn't like it, but I think going as an adult can change his mind.  Especially going with me.  We could exercise in Central Park.  And then we could use all the calories we burned on the delicacies that only New York City has to offer.

I'm dying for you, New York.

So this is what you meant when you said that you were spent.

Arisa's blog post inspired me.  The part where she talks about the river with the big tires reminded me so much of that one time I went white water rafting in Lake Tahoe.  I realized that you folks back home may have never heard this story, so I'll regale you.  (No idea if I used the word "regale" correctly at all.)

Last September I went to Lake Tahoe with The Captain, his family, and his dad's family.  The purpose of the trip was to spread his grandmother's ashes in her favorite part of the lake, Emerald Bay, which we did (*cough*illegally*cough*).  Of course, we had a few other things on the list while we were there.  One of those things was white water rafting, which I had never done before.  TC and his family had.

We were with a large group, so the group was split into three rafts with three separate instructors.  In one boat was myself, TC, TC's cousin, TC's sister's friend, and our instructor.  In another raft was the rest of his family, and in the third raft was the rest of the group.  I'm not much for extreme sports, but I like to say that I'll try anything, so I was really scared but also very excited.  Truth be told, we had a lot of fun--most of the time.  Our leader was a really nice, young, hippie guy, but I'm not sure he was quite as experienced as the others.  This is where I could kick myself for being a part of the "young" group.

It's been a while, so I can't remember now if I went under twice or thrice.  I feel like there was one time where I fell in by myself, but I can't be sure.  The perhaps second time, it was TC and myself, as we were both on the same side of the raft.  This wasn't so bad.  The water was cold, but by that time we'd had a long ride in the sun, and it felt nice to be wet.  We did everything they told us to do if we fell in, and we were rescued almost immediately.  The perhaps third time was not so calm.  It was toward the end, and there were lots of rocks and rapids.  This time our entire raft flipped, and there was no hope for any of us.

[Side note:  I had splurged ($80) on a nice, new pair of sunglasses at the golf shop the day prior, something I just never do.  Spoiler alert:  They didn't make it.]

Let me just tell you, that was the scariest moment of my life.  Up to this point, I was sure that no matter where I fell into the water, I would survive.  But in this moment, I was sure that I was going to smash my head into a rock or get my foot stuck on something and drown.  It was close to impossible to put our feet in the air as we were instructed to do.  There was a moment when my body was just being dragged across rocks (smooth ones, thankfully).  When we were finally rescued by another raft, I was having a full-on panic attack.  Once I realized everyone was accounted for, I calmed down, and thankfully, the trip was almost over.  From that point forward, though, I was sure every rock I saw was going to plunge me into the river again.

All in all, I had fun.  I faced a fear, and I survived.  Would I do it again?  Absolutely.  But probably not any river with a higher difficulty than what we did that day.

Aren't you something to admire?

Okay, I've made the decision.  It's time to cut the junk out again.  I don't know why I keep letting myself slip into this place of comfort and calorie splurging, but I always do this.  And it's making me physically UNcomfortable.  I want to fit into my clothes and have to buy new clothes because the ones I have are too big.  I want to be strong and have energy again.  It is SO hard to be un-tired.  But I know what it feels like, and I miss it.  And I really need to learn that I can do it on my own (and maybe with a little help from my friends) and not have to spend a thousand dollars on a program to tell me what to do every step of the way.  I need to be able to do this and to make it my life.

Guys, I just need prayer and motivation and accountability.

I'm making myself a note for my mirror that says, "The decision is made.  You WILL do this."

You could be my strawberry bubblegum, and I could be your blueberry lollipop.

Whooooooooops.  Forgot to blog yesterday.

Wednesdays are the worst.  Either I have to work all day then go home to clean the house before The Captain comes home the next day or I have to work all day then be sad because TC is leaving the next day.  There's not really a win.

Thursdays are nice.  Either TC comes home, and I'm happy, or TC leaves after being here a whole week, and I can look forward to getting things done around here.  Of course, this time around I only got him for two days, if you can even call it that.  But I tell ya, it gets harder and harder to let him go.  The past couple of weeks with him home were super productive.  Maybe it's because Spring is in the air.  Maybe it's Maybelline.

I probably talk about him too much on here.  I promise he's not all I think about.  It's just nicer thinking about him than school....or work....or otherwise.

Goodness, May is going to be a good month.  So good, that I'm convinced it will never arrive.  Come ooooonnnnn, May!

Let me show you a few things.

Justin Timberlake's new album The 20/20 Experience was released today.  I've only gotten about half through it, but I really like it.  I look forward to listening to it another hundred thousand times.

I'm ashamed to say that I'm blogging from my Louisiana History class today.  I'm ashamed because it's unfortunate that I don't find it appealing at all to listen to the lecture.  I truly wish I'd been able to take this class from the good Louisiana History teacher, but that's not the case.  I actually only chose this course because was the only thing that I could schedule for this time slot that wasn't Philosophy in Film, the course I was originally scheduled for.  I was really excited about signing up for this class, but it's been quite the disappointment.  *Sigh* I'm graduating in 59 days.

The Captain is at home right now, and I'm stuck in this class.  *Grumble* Just another reason to be bitter about this boring lecture.

I make the most of all the stress.

I get to see The Captain tomorrow evening.  And the evening after that.  I'm really looking forward to these two evenings, as he's been working overtime since Friday.  When he gets off next week, he'll be off to a bachelor/fishing trip all weekend, so I'll only get him a few days that week, too.  Then when he goes back to work, he's working a full week of overtime, meaning he'll be gone for three solid weeks.  Can I just say that I am NOT looking forward to it?  Although it's probably the best thing for me, seeing as the semester will be coming to a close soon, and I have papers to write and finals to prepare for.  But still.  I just want to whine about it, okay?

Have I mentioned that I'm graduating in May?  No big deal, just finally earning a Bachelors degree after being in and out of college for a decade.  No big deal.

TC will be meeting Mom's "boyfriend" (he's really her actual boyfriend) tomorrow for the first time, and I'll be hanging out with him for only the second time.  I'm looking forward to it.  He's returning from Paris and bringing wine.  So we're practically best friends.

Life is sweet in the belly of the beast.

I just love weddings. Just everything about them. (Except having to wear ugly bridesmaid dresses.) Today I was privileged enough to assist in choosing a bridesmaid dress for a friend's wedding. While I won't be walking in the wedding myself, she asked me to come along to give an unbiased opinion. I actually felt pretty honored that she values my opinion that much. Anyhow, we successfully chose one, and she even tried on a few gowns herself. She hadn't done that yet, so it felt pretty special to be part of that moment, too. This girl is gorgeous. She could put on a trash bag and still be the best looking person in the room. Naturally, she looked stunning in each dress she put on. While the wedding is almost a year away, I'm already excited about it. HOPEFULLY I was fair to the bridesmaids.

Love is watching someone die.

I can't remember if I was supposed to start blogging yesterday or today. Oh we'll, today, it is. I'll still do 30 days (fingers crossed) either way.

Since my last post I've had the atypical mole removed from my shoulder. Still no word on whether or not the cells were cancerous, but they wanted to remove it since it was growing so rapidly. They called me a few days ago to ensure me that the margins were clear, meaning they got all of it either way. The most valuable lessons I've learned from this are (1) I will ALWAYS wear SPF 30+ in the sun and reapply often and (2) stitches are dumb.

Son, The Captain's grandfather stayed with us for a full week longer than the doctors foreshadowed, but he finally made his way home to be with his Lady two Thursdays ago. TC and I had a great visit with him a week before, and everyone is so at peace. There was a very small, very private service for him this past Thursday. The minister described Son and Lady's reunion as Jack and Rose's at the end of Titanic, which is the most fitting analogy I can think of. They loved to dance together, and we're all confident they'll be dancing for all eternity.