So read your books, but stay out late some nights.

I've finished Atlas Shrugged.  I really wish I had written down the date that I started it so that I'd know exactly how long it took.  I'm thinking at least six months.  In honor of that, I'd like to share some of my favorite quotes from the book.

"He always came to her unexpectedly--and she liked it, because it made him a continuous presence in her life, like the ray of a hidden light that could hit her at any moment."

"The owner placed a mug of coffee before her.  She closed both hands around it, finding enjoyment in its warmth.  She glanced around her and thought, in habitual professional calculation, how wonderful it was that one could buy so much for a dime...She drank the coffee, concerned with nothing but the pleasure of feeling as if the hot liquid were reviving the arteries of her body."  (Although I've never tried to put into words the way I feel about coffee, this pretty much hits the nail on the head.  If only it were still a dime...)

"Any refusal to recognize reality, for any reason whatsoever, has disastrous consequences." - Fransisco d'Anconia

"There's no way to rule innocent men.  The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals.  Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them.  One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws.  Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens?  What's there in that for anyone?  But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced nor objectively interpreted--and you create a nation of law-breakers--and then you can cash in on guilt." - Dr. Ferris

"A prisoner brought to trial can defend himself only if there is an objective principle of justice recognized by his judges, a principle upholding his rights, which they may not violate and which he can invoke.  The law, by which you are trying me, holds that there are no principles, that I have no rights and that you may do with me whatever you please.  Very well.  Do it." - Hank Rearden

"That special pleasure she had felt in watching him eat the food she had prepared...it had been the pleasure of knowing that she had pleased him with a sensual enjoyment, that one form of his body's satisfaction had come from her." (Sorry, that one may have been a little racy.)

"...it's not that I don't suffer, it's that I know the unimportance of suffering, I know that pain is to be fought and thrown aside, not to be accepted as part of one's soul and as a permanent scar across one's view of existence." - John Galt (This has got to be one of my favorite quotes of all time and probably is the reason I wanted to read this book in the first place.  I found it on a random quote website or something and loved it so much that, not knowing where it came from, I actually Googled "Who is John Galt?"  If you know anything about this book at all, you'll know why that's funny.)

"...honesty is not a social duty, not a sacrifice for the sake of others, but the most profoundly selfish virtue man can practice:  his refusal to sacrifice the reality of his own existence to the deluded consciousness of others." - John Galt

"Happiness is possible only to a rational man, the man who desires nothing but rational goals, seeks nothing but rational values and finds his joy in nothing but rational actions." - John Galt (Maybe that one's a little extreme.  Regardless, I wrote it down when I read it, which means it stuck out of the text for some reason and made me think a little more.)

"If you choose to help a man who suffers, do it only on the ground of his virtues, of his fight to recover, of his rational record, or of the fact that he suffers unjustly...But to help a man who has no virtues, to help him on the ground of his suffering as such, to accept his faults, his need, as a claim--is to accept the mortgagte of a zero on your values.  A man who has no virtues is a hater of existence who acts on the premise of death; to help his is to sanction his evil and to support his career of distruction.  Be it only a penny you will not miss or a kindly smile he has not earned, a tribute to zero is treason to life and to all those who struggle to maintain it." - John Galt (There were many moments in this book, and especially in this particularly long speech made by this character, that I found to be harsh considering how strongly Ayn Rand feels about religion being ridiculous, or so how it seems to be that way.  The beginning of this quote was kind of a saving grace for this book, since once I got to this point I was feeling pretty angry about how inconsiderately John Galt was speaking.  It is pretty clear that Ayn Rand has very little compassion and grace, but I did still enjoy reading this book.)

I started a new book today called Matched by Ally Condie.  I read the first two chapters at lunch.  It seems very fantastical, but after reading Atlas Shrugged, I kind of feel like I'm reading a book written for middle-schoolers.  Hopefully it grows on me.

I'll be free for you anytime.

Man, I really fell off the face of the blogging Earth, didn't I?  At least it's not at bad as it was a month or so ago.

I'm really ready to start distracting myself with some serious travel.  I hate feeling like I need to get away from everything, but I just do.  I wish I could afford to travel totally alone sometimes.  I would love to go somewhere with historical significance and just learn everything without anyone else to drag me anywhere else.

You know what else I hate?  I hate feeling like someone is making a huge life-changing mistake, and there's just nothing I can do about it.  I mean, obviously it's not my life, but I hate knowing that I can't give someone my opinion unless they ask for it.  I used to not care whether they wanted to hear it or not, but I've since learned that that isn't the way to go about it.  I just feel stuck sometimes, which is stupid because it isn't even my situation to be stuck in.

You would take the breath from my throat.

Well, it's been a quiet Friday night, which is just what I anticipated.  Unfortunately, there was no exercise.  Too much discomfort today.  But I did make a double batch of blondies for the crawfish boil tomorrow and watch a crap ton on Say Yes To The Dress.  That's one of my favorite quiet Friday night events.  Wedding shows!  Whenever I was in a serious relationship I had to disallow myself from watching those shows.  They made me too anxious to get married.  Now that I'm single, I suppose it couldn't hurt.

I started a new 30-day challenge for myself.  It may sound sad, but I've promised myself to read the Bible every night for 30 days.  What I meant by that is that it's sad that I haven't really done much Bible-reading before this.  I always tried, but I could never quite stick to it.  So here goes nothing!

I'm excited to eat crawfish tomorrow and take lots of pictures!

Wishing wells were made to echo a dime.

If my calculations in the beginning were correct, today is the final day of my First Annual Ides of March 30-Day Blog Challenge.  I think it was late at night when I did that, though, so it may be wrong.

I'm going to miss my roomies, but tomorrow night I have the house all to myself!  And I love staying home alone on a Friday....flat on the floor, looking back on old love, or lack thereof.  (Just kidding, guys.  Those are John Mayer lyrics.  And if you don't know that, well.  I just don't know.)  I think I'll get my sweat on with my trainer Bob Harper and then get my lazy on all night watching some Kardashian goodness.  Oh, I think I'll make blondies for the crawfish boil, too.  You know, to balance out all the exercise.  So guys, please don't make any super-awesome-can't-miss plans for tomorrow night and invite me to them.  Unless it's a date with the perfect man.  That, maybe I'd skip the laziness for.

Were it not for hearts like mine, calloused thickly, you could fall so easily.

My belly is full.  Uggggghhhh.

Today I happened to catch that Khloe and Lamar show while I was cooking.  I have to admit, I'm a sucker for all things Kardashian.  I was surprised on the severity of some of the issues they touched on.  One thing they dealt with (or more so talked about, not exactly dealt with) was Lamar Odom's relationship with his father.  It was pretty unfortunate to see.  His dad was one of those men who split when he was a child and only showed his face from time to time.  I think they mentioned he struggled with addiction, as well.  Of course, now Lamar has a good amount of money, and this man is quick to ask for a handout.  They actually played phone conversations on several occasions of this man outright telling his son to send him money or take him grocery shopping.  It was really sad.

It makes me wonder, though, what WON'T people put on television these days?  I can understand he probably doesn't have a great relationship with this man.  And who could blame him?  People like that are almost revolting.  (This man was certainly not a victim of poverty.)  And it's one thing to feel that way about your father.  But how could you shame someone like that in front of the entire world?  I feel like no one would deserve that.

(I never know how to end these things.  Conclusions were never my strong suit.)

I think I'm safer in an airplane.

I am officially going to Las Vegas to watch Adrian's first Nathan's hot dog qualifier!  I can't tell you how excited I am!  I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to go.  I really can't afford it, and it kills me to have to miss any of his competitions, especially hot dog qualifiers.  My parents have generously offered to pay for me to go.  I didn't feel too guilty about it because the plane tickets ended up being pretty cheap.  But still!

I really dislike asking my parents for money and/or to pay for things.  I rarely do it.  I know the kind of man my dad is.  He'd give someone every dollar in his wallet if they asked for it, even without good reason.  Because of that, he is sometimes taken advantage of.  It absolutely kills me to see someone walk all over him.  Unfortunately, it happens all too often.  And I'm not talking about only money, here.  I'm talking about his time and his freedom.  He's never been one to say no to anyone for any reason.  I hate to admit this (and I know I've talked to some of you about this before), but I feel like it's turned him into someone who just expects people to expect things from him.  It's almost like it's hard for him to understand that someone could love him or care for him without him giving things to them.  It really breaks my heart.  This is something that I continuously struggle with.

Way to make going to Vegas sound really depressing, right?  So I'll end on this note, in true Joey Tribiani fashion:  VEGAS, BABY, VEGAS!!!

It's their colorful feathers that hold me together.

Boom boom boom, let me hear you say way-o.

Y'all, I don't have a thing to write about today.

I can tell you this:  I'm missing me some Big Love right now.  Like, bad.  Also, I'm pretty excited about folding t-shirts for eight hours tomorrow.  Now, where did I put that Bumble Lane gift card?

If you're shocked, it's just the fault of faulty manufacturing.

I logged some serious baby-hugging hours this weekend.  First Miss Emily, then John William, then my Turtle.  I can't get enough.  Especially when they say cute words.  Gosh, I just love those little ones.  I'm not sure why my love of children comes so naturally.  I've been this way since childhood.  The truth is, it doesn't matter the child, I can't help but feel so much love when spending time with them.  Obviously, the more time I invest, the more my heart bursts when I see them, but I feel like I love all children unconditionally.

I was discussing my relationship status (or lack thereof) with a friend recently, and something sort of hit me.  I've had opportunities to date guys recently that were nice guys.  These guys will make some girls happy someday, but they weren't for me.  I probably could have fallen in love if I had just ignored that little voice inside my head, which is all too easy to do sometimes.  But I can't cheat myself that way.  When it comes down to it, I KNOW that someday I'm going to be an amazing wife and mother.  I'm not trying to be conceited about that.  I've long since believed that those traits were instilled in me by my Creator.  Why would I waste that on someone who He didn't create for me?  I would not only be cheating myself, but I wouldn't be able to live up to the full potential of what the Lord has called me to be for my future family.

These reflections have been brought to you by:  Babies.

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

This is just a quickie post since I'm about to head over to Arisa's so we can hit the road to see our Slegers.

You know what irks me?  People who park in handicapped parking places who are not handicapped.  Maybe it's just me, but I feel having a handicapped tag in your window should not give you free reign of handicapped parking places.  I went to Target this afternoon (shocking, I know), and a woman just whipped right into the very closest handicapped parking space to the store.  She got right out of her car in her flip flops and pants that were too white and too tight (yes, I'm passing judgement on this woman), and walked right into the store.  No cane.  No limp.  No baby bump.  No reason to absolutely need to park that close.  I walked directly two steps behind her the entire way so that she would know that yes, I saw her park there, and yes, I know she did not deserve to.  I understand that sometimes people have tags for occasions when they drive someone else around, and I understand that the world is full of selfish individuals who will abuse these things.  I just had to get that off my chest.

I'm sad that I won't be able to see Adrian compete in crawfish-eating tomorrow.  If any of you are going, I beg you, keep an eagle eye on Crazy Legs Conti.  He cheats, and he cheats, and he cheats, and those Sheas just let him get away with it.  But cheer extra loud for Adrian.  Please.  :)

I'm at a crossroads with myself. I don't got no one else.

Yes yes yes.  Band of Horses was just what I needed.  Every song sounded different live than it does on the album, but just as wonderful.  Their music always makes me feel reflective.  I had a wonderful time with everyone I went with, but there was more than one moment when I felt like stepping away for a song just to stand alone and be in my own world with BOH.  Although, I don't really think there was one empty spot in the room for all of that.  "Evening Kitchen" is, I think, my favorite song.  By Band of Horses, at least.  There was a time in my life where I can remember feeling exactly that way.  Funny thing is, it was maybe a year before that album even came out.  It's still nice to remember that I felt that way so intensely, even though it was quite a melancholy feeling.  I like feeling anything intensely.  It makes me feel alive.  (Too cliche?  Probably.  But there's a reason a cliche is a cliche.)

Onto an ENTIRELY different topic:  American Idol.  (I threw the colon in just for you, Nic.)   I thought this season I would be indifferent.  I'm not.  I was pretty worried when they announced who the new judges would be several months ago.  Not that I don't think Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler have valid opinions, because obviously they have each been in the music business for quite some time now, I just thought maybe their egos would steal the spotlight a little.  I couldn't have been wronger.  Forgive me for blogging about last night's performance show today, but I actually just watched it.  This set of judges LOVES being there.  I loved Simon and Kara as judges, but my goodness!  Steven, Jennifer, and Randy are so completely in love with their roles in these performers' careers!  At least, it seems that way.  I really do feel like everyone on the show right now has buckets of talent.  Last night after they all finished performing, they had a sort of impromptu dance party right on stage.  I've never felt like the contestants enjoyed one another as much as they do this season.  It's almost like the pressure's off, and they're all just having a good time.  I'm really loving the producers they're working with, too, and I'm glad they're showing them on camera much more.

Okay, sorry friends, for that rant.  I'm pretty sure only, like, one of you actually also watches American Idol, haha!  Also, sorry for failing at my own challenge and skipping yesterday.

I LOVE ALL OF YOOOOUUUUU!

Regrets and mistakes, they are memories made.

Today I painted a house almost all day.  And it wasn't even my house.  I must be getting good at this.  I hope so?

It always surprises me how much I miss my pups when I've spent nearly a whole day away from them.  Last night I was at Nic and Crystal's until late, tonight I was at Beau's until late, and tomorrow night I will be in New Orleans until super late, so Thursday is dedicated to my pups.  And some school, I guess.  Ugh, I really hate being away from them a lot.  And I'm spending the night away Friday night (which I'm SO SO SO excited about), but that's just another night I'll miss them.  I think it affects me most because I know they miss me.  And it just kills me.  As annoying as they can be when I'm here with them, I feel like it's just because they want me to be near them.  Does that sound crazy?  I feel like I'm really good at making myself sound crazy.

BAND OF HORSES!!!!!  BAND OF HORSES!!!!!  BAND OF HORSES!!!!!  BAND OF HORSES!!!!!  BAND OF HORSES!!!!!

I called off my plans. I counted on you.

I would like to start cooking at least one NEW recipe a week.  I am inspired to do so mainly by The Pioneer Woman (THANK YOU, BETHANY).  That is all.

Oh, except that I'm so excited about Band of Horses Wednesday and seeing Slegers and former Slegers and a new baby this weekend.

Lucky ones are we all till it is over.

I'm so blessed.  SO BLESSED.

I hate those nights when I feel like I got to a point in my life that is hopeless because I usually try to figure out how I got there.  I know already.  I know what I need to do to change my situation, but I forget that I know that so often.  I remember a line from a song we used to have to do sign and dance to when we were kids.  You know, at nursing homes and whatnot.

I cast all my cares upon You.
I lay all of my burdens down at Your throne.


And that's simply all there is to it.  I feel like where I am is preparation mode for a huge life change.  But I think it's time for the preparation to become action.

Um, I feel like Charlie Sheen rambling like this.  Goodnight.

One day you will know we're men of snow.

I kind of take pride in myself being so emotionally independent most of the time.  I don't usually need anyone to reassure me that things will be better and that I'll be okay.  Typically, I do what I need to do as far as grieving goes and my brain works out the rest.  I know things will always get better when they feel like they won't.  My mind is almost trained to believe that, I suppose.

But then there are times, and it seems like it's been happening a lot more lately, where something will upset me, and I feel like I just don't want to be alone.  Like I just want someone to tell me it will be okay, not need, just want.  It's times like this that I realize that no matter how okay I feel being alone, I don't want to be alone anymore.  I don't want to be alone anymore.

I'm so thankful for all of the people in my life who will always listen and always offer me words of advice or comfort when I need them.  I feel like I need to give a super shout-out to Lauren here.  You're all so important to me, but I feel like Lauren just gets me.  I really do think we can read each others' minds sometimes.  It may be because of the extremely similar situations we've both gone through, but whatever the case, I know she can usually know what I'm feeling without me having to say much, and vice versa.

I'm just having a rough night, I guess.

We'll be young forever.

I'm totes an hour and five minutes late.  Sorry guys.  April fools?

So I think it's no secret that my old high school beau (teehee) and I are good friends.  Today I went to his parents' house after work for a little crawfish boil.  His dad generally has one every year.  The last time I attended one was six years ago.  Yes, I was out of high school.  We were going through a brief reunion at the time.  That probably wasn't the last time I had been to his parents' house, but it wasn't long after that.  Today it felt so strange.  No a bad strange, but it just felt entirely different.  That may have been because his mom has redone a lot of the house since he and his sister no longer live there.  The entryway was still the same, and it had all the same feeling along with it.  But with everything else that had changed, it was as if it were a different place.  I think the main reason was because he doesn't live there anymore.  And he's not the same guy he was back then.  But to be honest, I haven't seen him the way I did back then since we've been friends again.  (Did any of that make sense?  It's kind of late.)

On another note:  Do you know what I love?  I love cleaning my whole house and bathing both of my dogs only for the VERY NEXT DAY to have them both get into mud.  I really love that.

Do you know what I really non-sarcastically love?  New York City.  My mom and I found an apartment to stay in today for our annual trip.  I'm so stoked!